Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Center Yourself

I have always been jealous of the type of person that can sit down at night with a cup of coffee or tea and listen to classical music to unwind. I have tried. I appreciate classical music for the talent it took to create it. But it doesn’t speak to me. Why is it that I need Corey Taylor of Slipknot (and Stone Sour) to be screaming expletives with heavy riffs of the guitar in my ear for me to feel a connection to it. I don’t get it. If I’m in the mood I can listen to some Frank Sinatra, but that is as close as I get to calming music, and that is not often. But let me be clear hear, this post isn’t about music.
I have a hard time finding my center. I feel like I am always battling my own internal demons.  I feel like I am filled with self-doubt, anger, guilt, obligation, and the list just goes on and on. Why can’t I find this place of peace. I do have times of peace. When I am with my kids, these are the most precious moments and during these times everything kind of disappears into the background.

But the rest of the time, I don’t know. Sometimes I have the best workouts because I am sticking my middle finger up to my issues and fighting them. Sometimes I feel like I am self sabotaging and doubting myself, which affects my workouts. Maybe this is just my anxiety manifesting itself in crazy ways. I don’t know. It just gets frustrating.

But I am not giving in. I feel like everyday makes me stronger. And I guess I just wanted you, out there, to know that you are not the only ones working through these feelings. It’s ok. Find someone that you can talk to. Find somewhere that gives you some peace. Even if it is just brief moments of it. And don’t ever give up, because you are stronger than you could ever imagine and capable of more than you could ever dream of. I won’t give up. And when I am faced with these moments I am going to keep giving it the big 🖕.